Learning to be Silent
by shortie is back
Summary: *SLASH WARNING* "David and Jack would always go into David's room to do 'manly things.' I was a man too, I wanted to do manly things."


Discaimer: I don't own any Newsies. Easy as Pie. (Eater?) Also, the title comes from the song _Learning to be Silent_ from the play _Footloose_. (What can I say? I've been working on this show for two months… Footloose HAD to come in somewhere…)

S/N- 

**WARNING: **THIS FIC CONTAINS SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! Don't say I didn't warn you.

My first slash ever… I'm a slash virgin… Please, all you slash obsessives out there (Lute) be nice!

Anyway… Enjoy!

Last thing, mucho thank you's to **SpottedOne** who researched what they called gays in newsie times for me, **Lute**, who also helped out with that,and** Rosie who beta'd for me!**

**Learning to be Silent**

I'm only ten. There are a lot of things I have to learn.

He came over everyday, Jack did. My entire family loved him; some more than they should. And I'm not talking about Sarah. I wish I was.

He would walk in the door, kiss my mother and Sarah on the cheek, talk money with Pa, and then he would come over to me, give me some candy he had scrounged up, and ask me how the selling's going, even though he knew. I sold with him everyday.

Then he and David would disappear into David's room for hours, doing 'manly things,' as David described when I asked him.

I'm a man. I wanted to do manly things.

The door wouldn't open when I tried it one day.

I waited for the next day, and hid in the closet before Jack got there. They'd be so happy to see me there, so happy to see that I was growing up that they'd include me instantly. I couldn't wait!

The door clicked shut and I peeked out of the closet from the place where the door didn't quite fit the doorframe. 

"Where's Les?" Jack was asking David, as he put a chair in front of the door. So _that_ was why it wouldn't open.

"With one of his friends, most likely," David shrugged.

"Too bad, I'se 'ad somet'in' real good for 'im taday," Jack said.

I half wanted to jump out of the closet to get whatever Jack had brought me today, but I held myself back. If I jumped out now, they'd never think I was grown up enough to handle 'manly things.' 

"Well, he'll just have to wait then. I, on the other hand, don't think I can wait."

Jack got a look on his face then, the same look I saw before he jumped up on the statue and got us all riled up for the strike. I leaned forward; I was finally going to see what the big boys did. I was going to be just like them.

The next thing that happened was the last I ever expected. 

Jack leaned in and kissed David; kissed like in the movies, tongue and everything. It was disgusting. It's bad enough seeing it between a boy and a girl, but seeing my brother and my role model kiss was just… wrong.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block it out, but the image was burned into my mind. I wanted to leave, but they _couldn't know I'd seen them. _

I waited a few minutes until I thought it might be over.

Slowly, I cracked an eye open. It was far from over. Jack and David were lying on David's bed; both of them were hardly dressed. 

I felt sick. _Why_ was my brother kissing a boy? Why was Jack doing…whatever he was doing to David? What about Sarah? Was Jack just going through my family? Did I have to worry about being next?

I curled up into a little ball on the floor of the closet, letting the darkness shield me from what was happening outside the door.

God, I could still_ hear_ them! They weren't… no, they _couldn't_ be! David wouldn't… Jack wouldn't… couldn't they be quieter? I couldn't stand listening to it anymore! I didn't want to be a man anymore! I just wanted to leave!

Then, it was over. Silence, and then the two distinct clicks of a door opening and closing. My chance to escape. 

I felt sick, what I had just witnessed wasn't natural, it wasn't right. 

My brother couldn't be _queer_, he just couldn't! It was sick! It was disgusting!

My feelings must have shown on my face. Ma stopped me as I burst out of the room. 

"Les, Sweetie, what's wrong?" She felt my forehead, "You don't look well, are you sick?"

I was shaking, couldn't get that horrible image of Jack and my brother out of my mind. I couldn't say anything…

"Les? What's the matter?" Ma was beginning to sound worried.

"Jack…Davey…" The words burst out of my mouth before I even thought about them.

"What about them, Sweetheart?"

"Ma, Davey's a _pansy!" I couldn't stop it! I hadn't meant to say that! I had meant to keep it a secret. _

The look on Ma's face then, I can't even begin to explain it. Shock, horror, disgust… hate. She hated their type. 

Pa hated them even more, he complained about them every night; said they were an embarrassment and shouldn't be allowed to live. Dave'd be out of here as soon as he heard.

Ma believed me; I have a problem with lying. There was no saving my brother now.

I'm only ten. There are a lot of things I have to learn.

~~~

In a very depressed mood because I'm not allowed to be in Footloose tonight. Make me happier by reviewing!

Please?


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